It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
