I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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