So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
