Whats the glycemic index on semen?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize