All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
