Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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