I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
