i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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