Dual....:-)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
