There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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