I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone came in the potted fern
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
