today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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