I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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