I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
