Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
