Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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