..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
