Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
