I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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