i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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