I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
