I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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