I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
