i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
