I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize