I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We need to get me chipped asap
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
