I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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