just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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