I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
