I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
