So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
