My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The Olympian is in my bed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
