Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
