Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize