WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
