He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
