idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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