I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
