She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
