The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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