He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
