Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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