I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.