And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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