I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.