Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!