I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
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i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?