I hate your face
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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