I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
