We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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