i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
