I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
