my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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