You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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