my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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