i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
