whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
