I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
