You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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