It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
