I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this will be a night to untag.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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