a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
