they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
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