pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
